ENVY

 Envy - Feeling of discontented or resentful.

You all know MK right? Michael Kors, which happens to be one of the more affordable brands that girls wear nowadays. The company hit a net worth of 1 billion dollars in 2016, so that should give you an idea of much the average female liked the brand back then. For a year I hated the very thought of that brand. Not because it was ugly or that the designer was just out of control or anything you would think of. Sadly to admit but I didn't like the brand simple because after me and my boyfriend broke up after a year of being together he bought a MK watch for his new girlfriend. 

Even thought we weren't together we were still hanging on down some dirt roads and when Christmas time came around he pasted me a watch. I’ll admit that I had no idea who MK was or anything and the watch was completely ugly to me. I asked him who was MK and if she was into big bulky watches. Yes I was being what some would call a hater but what you expect he just pasted me a Christmas gift for my replacement basically that was pricing out online to be more than any single item he has ever bought me. He was looking at me crazy just because I didn't know the name/ brand so I looked it up and much to my surprise the purses were so beautiful. I never even looked into the watches because I was instantly hurt by the fact all these handbags were $400 plus. Here I was sitting in the car with someone that wouldn't even consider buying me something $100 just bought his girlfriend of a week a freaking expensive watch. I mean I was soooo hurt and angry like I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that within a week of being with her he had deemed her worthy of breaking a bill for. What was it that made her better than me? What did she do or how did she make him feel, that I was so much better than me?

I hated that brand after that and didn't like for any of my girls to have anything with that name on it. The brand was a reminder of what I lacked, an anchor to my pain. Every time I would come across it I would be discussed and annoyed. I wanted to be that girl that a guy spent that kind of money on. I wanted to be that girl that a guy went out of his way to buy something special for.

After a year went by I got my hands on that watch again due to the girl breaking up with him and leaving it behind. While driving down the highway at a good 80 mph I threw the watch out the window. Funny thing though is later I found out that the watch was fake and that he didn't even break a $20 on that watch. It wasn't long after I found out the truth that the watch really was fake and that I was I able to admit to myself and everyone else that the Brand had really cute purses. Who knows why none of my girls had MK back then but, they rocking them now!

WRATH (Anger)

Another word for anger!

Being spoiled most my life has feed into my anger in some of the worst ways. Not being able to do what I want soon enough or get what I want soon enough leads to an uncontrollable rage. Some days it can be as simple as a smell that’s sets me off. The higher my standards or expectations the harder it is for me to control myself. Every day is different and every response is as well. Punching walls, smashing glasses, yelling, crying, cussing….It all comes so fast it makes my head want to explode.

To fly off the handle of something so simple never makes me happy. Nothing comes from anger except lashing out and hurtful responses in pointless arguments. I often find myself asking God for forgiveness and the ability to think smarter and calm down. The worst thing is when the calm finally hits and I regret everything. The anger becomes so much it’s almost like having a demon inside you that is trying to set fire to everything in front of you. If my life was a movie you would see my spirit watching my body move and react to things around. Watching and telling myself to calm down as I try desperately to reconnect and take control over my body to get it to stop. All I would need is a second o myself to connect and gain control again. Some days it takes longer than other days to stop.

I’ve hurt my spouse more times than I can remember by picking just the most heartless thing to say. I hurt him and put him down when he himself is hurting or already having a hard time. My anger doesn’t allow me to care about what he has going on or how he even feels at the time. All I can do is push him away, digging deeper and deeper to make him reconsider his choice to be with me

Gods plan was never for his children to be so heartless so cruel yet that is what anger brings to the table. If I told you that I’m aware of this and the problems it causes all while saying id stop and never get angry again, well…. That would be a sin all of its own.

Deadlest Sins

I've moved so much as a child that I've been in and out of so many different churches. Recently, my boyfriend's father told us, everything that we were taught as children are faded off parts of the real story of how the bible came to be. I'll admit, that much is a given seeing how the Bible is what, a hundreds of years old. Sadly, I'm scared to say what that really means is, I don’t know anything. The most I can do is stick to what I do know because all God’s children sin. Even though we sin, that doesn’t knock us off balance on the scale of good and evil, or right and wrong. It’s in our human nature. Some more than others, but I have to say that I have experienced some of the worst of what's considered to be the seven deadliest sins.........

1. Lust - Strong sexual desire.

2. Envy - Feeling of discontented or resentful.

3. Vanity (Pride) - Feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements.

4. Wrath (Anger) - Strong feelings of annoyance, displeasure or hostility.

5.  Sloth - Reluctance to work or make an effort, laziness.

6. Gluttony- habitual greed or excess in eating.

7. Avarice (Greed) - Intense and selfish desire for something (wealth, power, or food).

Seven deadly sins. (2017, October 23). Retrieved October 24, 2017, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins

Is Curiosity a Disease?

  An author by the name William Eamon wrote an  article called, "The Disease Called Curiosity". If you look above, or how you simply manage to find my blog in the first place, you will notice that Curiosity is kind of what it's all about and of course a few confessions here and there.
       
       The human mind is such an amazing thing and human topics/ opinions just amaze me. I seen it and just had to read the whole article on well.... my mind. l.o.l I'll admit that I had to reread the article a few time to understand where he was going with the topic. Mr. Eamon explains that a man named Augustine says, "Curiosity is a sin in 3 different ways lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and ambition of the world. (Eamon 2010)" Just from reading that far I'm like ok its official we all suffer from the disease. You see your spouse or someone you want as a spouse and the idea to be near/ touch them crosses your mind. The fact you cant take your mind off of something you find beautiful. The fact you have to know more about a topic or study a topic. The list could go on for days on ways a person could fall into those three categories. So I had to know what he was talking about. Could it be really possible that so many inventors, reporters, and authors all have a disease simply because they want to know more?

   "Without curiosity, there can be no scientific discovery, and without discovery, there can be no knowledge. (Eamon 2010)" Over time we as people evolve and our ways of thinking change for the better. It's safe to say that the author simply wanted to express the history of "Curiosity" rather than actually believing that someone like me has a disease and needs medication to check my want for more knowledge.

    After reading the article I wanted to know more about what this authors style of writing and his interest and as it turns out I was correct. Most of the articles and books I came across were all on how the older days functioned. Something about the early modern days of Europe, Renaissance Italy held his interest long enough to write a few books on the topic.







The Disease Called Curiosity | The Official Website of Author William Eamon. (n.d.). Retrieved November 07, 2017, from http://williameamon.com/?p=185

California King

Most people think or better yet listen to music as a way of expressing themselves. If  you had to listen to the music that someone likes or even plays over and over there is a message in it. I've slept on a California king bed before and it takes up the whole room leaving enough room for a dresser. If you have ever seen this bed you would know that four adults could sleep side by side with no problem. Rihanna choose to make a song using this bed as a mental image as to how far apart her and her spouse have grown apart.
Unfortunately this song happens to be the song that my boyfriend chooses to play over and over on his guitar hero. If you are in a relationship this is not a song you want your spouse to play over and over when their drunk. He tells me that depending on how our night has gone determines how he feels about the song. Other night he just likes her voice and the melody. Just to give you a idea of how often the song is played, his current score on guitar hero live is 107,001. I refuse to believe that I was being annoying that night, he had three too many shots and replayed the song 11 times. If you think I'm kidding sorry to say I'm not, Hell I counted! In that moment I chose to tell myself that he wanted a easier song to master. Crazy thing tho is after playing a song more than two times the colors start to blend and one hand stops moving causing me to miss keys.
The song to my boyfriend however is his way of telling me that we don't click like we use to. He loves me but I don't understand him or what he was trying to say. A solution to this is to let him explain to me what he meant or even better take the guitar and play a different song myself lol.  A relationship is not easy, it takes time (a lot) and understanding. The music that a person listens to explains so much. Either the music explains how they currently feel or a fantasy world they wish they could disappear too.
Lets be honest I'm a work in progress when it comes to trying to understand better.

-Confession

GLUTTONY

Because of you

Because of you I have found love when all I did was hate....
Because of you I am able to see the things that I was blind to....
Because of you I was able to grow up at a time when all I wanted was to be a child...
Because of you I know there is a calm to my storm...
Because of you I know working hard pays off.

I love you and I wanted to say thank you for sticking by me even when I lose my mind. I slip away and feel so lost at times. It's nice to be able to roll over and find you at my side. I gave you hell and I know I still do ,and I'm sorry sometimes I get overwhelmed with life and forget to breath. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry I'm mean to you, I'm sorry that I snap on what appears to be nothing. Thank you honey-bunny, my baby, my love, my pooter!!!