Because of you

Because of you I have found love when all I did was hate....
Because of you I am able to see the things that I was blind to....
Because of you I was able to grow up at a time when all I wanted was to be a child...
Because of you I know there is a calm to my storm...
Because of you I know working hard pays off.

I love you and I wanted to say thank you for sticking by me even when I lose my mind. I slip away and feel so lost at times. It's nice to be able to roll over and find you at my side. I gave you hell and I know I still do ,and I'm sorry sometimes I get overwhelmed with life and forget to breath. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry I'm mean to you, I'm sorry that I snap on what appears to be nothing. Thank you honey-bunny, my baby, my love, my pooter!!!

Ask Me Again

The truth is I don't know and I don't think I ever have. It's a big mixture of things that kinda just hit you all at once. It's an anchor that holds you in one place, a warm feeling that takes over your whole body, a goofy look you just can't whip off your face.
Being with you became the best part of my day. You have always been the last person on my mind and the first person on my mind. It's almost scary ,but I'd do anything for you, making sure your ok, and what you need became a priority. I want everyone to know how much I love and can't breath without you. Your flaws aren't imperfections yet things that made you human. Do I dare bring up the fact that I've been dreaming for years about our daughter (Lilly) and watching you two swim while I rock our other child. You became my best friend and I became a smarter, better person because of you. On our worst days I couldn't stomach the idea of losing you. Ask Me again why I love you, ask me again why I'm with you, ask me again... on a different day, on another hour I'd tell you something different or something even new. So Ask Me!

Scramble

Pen to paper, how many times I've wanted to get lost in the lines. Endless amount of words come to mind, so many that I become suffocated and trapped in my own thoughts and emotions. Most days I want to catch ghost, not an act of suicide but to simply disappear out of everyones lives. It's not like it would be a loss on their end. No one keeps in contact with me anyway. If it weren't for me bugging them my phone wouldn't even ring.
You see when you work for a company you must become flawless and keep up with the updates/changes or you become out dated and slow. You simply are a piece in their machine that operates their whole store. Just like any other piece tho you can be replaced. The thing about being flawless in a company tho is the fact you start to loss yourself.
Hmmm my pen hasn't stopped moving but I cant find the words to make every other word to start with matter. The funny thing is thats how thoughts are. One moment you think about this and that in hopes to make sense of a event in your life or a question. In the end its all just a scramble.

Girlfriend

Quick someone grab a freaking dictionary because I have no idea what the hell a girlfriend is or how to be one! So these two people have a baby and they attempt to teach this baby about life, have morals, goals, standard. " You are never to good for something, they say. Sky is the limit, if you put your mind to it you can achieve anything, they say." My dad spent my whole life couching me to be the best person I can be all so in the end I can get that nice, fancy ring guys spend thousands on.
" No man will marry a whore, You must keep a clean house, you must cook, make money but not to much money, not to much sassy, no man wants to argue, he would say."  That's all fine but no one has ever told me how to be a girlfriend first. If you think the same rules apply well let me be the first to tell you that you are wrong. That's the simple shit that people just do on their own. It takes so much more or does it.

-Curiosity

Beauty

Water birth, lord so many words. I just watched a birth clip that was edited to were the video was only 5 mins long, but I can tell they were in that tub for hours. The cutest thing about the whole thing is that the baby daddy sat with the mother the whole time. rubbing her back, chest, stomach. Pretty much just being there for her in everyway that she could need in that moment. I sit and think where do you find men like that? Now a days the couples that I see together that are actually loyal are ones that grew up together.
I guess you can tell that it wasn't just the birth that I find beautiful but the family and moment as a whole. I see child having babies with people they only been with for months. Teenagers getting pregnant and having no plan for the future or baby daddies leaving them because they are to young themselves to deal with the hard task of parenting at such a young age.
I long for that moment where I have a nice house and little mini me running around. One can only hope that I have a guy standing at my side just like the lady in the video.

Empire

Can we build an Empire together please!?!
Like can I please have someone that says fuck the BS... you crazy- Im crazy, You trip-I trip, but no matter what I got you like you got me. Let me tell you my level of loyalty, respect and will i could have for that person is unreal. Whats so wrong with wanting to be a little old school although its 2016. Im 23 and live in a world were no man or woman respects each other enough to be with each other. Like seriously help me help you. A Yang to this Yin, Joker to this screwed up Harley, Clyde to this wild Bonnie. How are people supposed to get anywhere in a world were it takes two incomes to survive? Pick a house, you dont like the windows lets change them, You don't like how small the driveway is, ok fine lets expand it. You bored of your car ok fine lets get another one. If i don't like something ill change it, if its broke ill fix it, but I want you. I want you to see the imagine that I see. By "you" i simply mean a man that wants to finally get his shit right after getting it wrong with so many others for so long.  Can I be your strength on your weakest day, your happiness in you worst hour?
Lets build a life from the ground up.

Time loop

What causes the pull to be so strong? Why is it called history if we are doing it and will continue doing it? Well they say its because history repeats itself. Its to the point what we have known is what we now know and will always know. Basically it comes down to simply being comfortable with someone. Is love even an option anymore?
A close friend tells me that although her ex has cheated on her with the girl he is now with she still sleeps with him. The crazy thing is he was doing that with his first babymama. She tells me that she is ready to build a family but is stuck on him. We are so smart yet so dumb for our own goods. Damaged and in the loop they call "history". So I ask again why is the pull so strong? I blame love songs, poems,and movies for filling our heads with this happy ever after BS. We sit around hoping for a different outcome although we keep doing the same thing.
                     A time loop